Conundrum
by Aeneid
Summary: No matter how hard she tried to look for a solution on why she had feelings for someone who probably didn't know she existed, she still couldn't figure it out. Ikarishipping.


Yep, I'm back to the ikarishipping fandom. About time too. So sorry for the hiatus, folks.

Unworthy will probably be updated as soon as I figure everything out. Also, new one-shot when I get down with it. Writing is still shaky, and I'm not sure if I'm still doing it right. orz

This one-shot is like my 'testing the waters' fic for the fandom, so apologies in advance if it isn't like my old ikarishipping fics. I'll get the hang of it, I promise. Also, warning in advance. OOC-ness and tsundere-ness abound.

Dedicated to my significant other, who has always been supporting me in whatever it is that I do, even fandom switching and all. Darling, whatever happens, I'll support you. *hugs*

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. It belongs to its respective owners.

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><p><strong>Conundrum<strong>

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><p><strong>~A confusing and difficult problem or question~<strong>

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><p>It's amazing how some Higher Being is probably getting a kick over this… dilemma of mine.<p>

Not that this dilemma is life-threatening or anything. I'll probably categorize this to 'annoying' or even 'freaky', but it doesn't really disrupt my daily routine.

… Okay, I spoke too soon. It does.

Every. Damn. Time.

It's creepy, when I'm doing my own thing, then suddenly, in one way or another, it leads back to _you. _ I totally hate it when that happens, but I take it in stride and ignore it. It usually always works, but lately, control hasn't been my greatest strength. I _have_ matured over the years, and I worked on calming myself whenever I get into a dilemma or someone pisses me off, but this time around…

Well, let's just say, it's all _your_ fault.

Unrequited love sucks, and what sucks even more is the fact that I am reminded of you _every damn time_ I do my usual routine, and then I start having those _stupid_ regrets.

Regrets that usually make me depressed, but lately, it makes me bawl like some schoolgirl who got rejected by her big-time crush.

This is all your damn fault.

I didn't even bother confessing, nor did I want to do _anything_ about it, because proceeding further would either result into a dead-end (because all you care about is winning) or rejection (your cruelty streak ring a bell?). Obviously, nothing good will come out of this, so I chose to ignore the beating of my heart whenever you pass by, or whenever you're near. Surprisingly, I remain composed at all time, except during that episode in Kurogane City's Gym, where I nearly managed to face-kick you, if only Takeshi didn't physically held me back. I swear, I would've made you remember who I really was, with physical and verbal assault in tandem.

… Not that you cared at that time, now that I think about it. All you were focused on, from now until then, was winning. Oh, and becoming the Champion of Sinnoh, if trying to defeat Shirona gave me any possible hint of what you had intended to be.

Last I heard, you became a member of the _Shitennou_, but that was a few years back.

I never keep up with news of you anymore. Arceus knows I'll follow you like an obsessed fangirl, teenage magazine posters and all.

… Yeah, I should seriously get over you.

As soon as humanly possible.

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><p>Okay, I tried.<p>

I really did.

Nothing happened.

Despite the fact that I made this long-ass list on why I should stop having… _feelings_ for you, my emotions _actually_ felt sorry for you instead, and went on to _sympathize_! Before I could even regain control of my emotions, the words that I heard over and over again were, "But that is what makes _him_ a challenge. A conundrum, if you will."

I berated myself again for the nth time on why I am a sucker for the bad boy.

Either I love the challenge, or I'm a total masochist for love.

Ah, love. Why so overrated and complicated?

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><p>Now I knew why many girls fall for the 'bad boy'.<p>

It was all about 'taming' the guy, and almost always hoping that they'll change for the better. And that the girl would be proud in her 'taming' of the bad-boy-turned-good.

In my case, it was already a hopeless case, seeing that you probably don't know that I exist, but I still couldn't help but dream how you'll act around me after I 'tame' you.

That you'll probably be a _tsundere_ towards me, and despite your coldness, you'll be loving in private.

And despite the fact that you'll pretend that you don't give a damn about me, I know you really do care; you just can't show it publicly because of your 'image', whatever the hell that is. And even if you're more cold and uncaring, I know you're still warm, deep down inside.

… Ah, heck. I've been indulging way too much on my fantasies and romance stories.

I should really stop thinking about all this, before I suddenly lose control over my emotions.

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><p>Why did I fell for you anyway?<p>

You were nothing special, in all honesty. You were Satoshi's rival, nothing more, and nothing less, and we hardly interacted. Yet why was I drawn to you?

It's still a mystery to me. A conundrum, if you will.

No matter how hard I try to solve the mystery of how I fell for you, it always goes back to the memory of you and me talking for the first time… and you forgot my name.

The kid me found that annoying.

The teenage me found it amusing, and just a bit annoying because you _actually forgot_ it at such a young age.

Currently, at the age of twenty-one, I find it highly amusing and stupid that a member of the _Shitennou_ forgot my name. I usually shared this anecdote to friends during parties, but one day, while sharing this piece of information to Nozomi, she raised an eyebrow. When I asked her about it, for people usually laughed over it, she simply said, "Never knew he was into you from way back."

I guess that started everything…?

But I still don't understand why.

Fine, I grudgingly admit that you have the looks and the skills, but you hardly have any people skills. You're not exactly the type to chat up every person you meet, and all I got in return when I first spoke to you was a stare that was both calculating and demeaning, plus the 'who are you?' line. Despite your coldness, your cruelty, your indifference, why do you invade my thoughts lately? Probably sentimentality issues on my side?

Yeah, that must be it.

You were my first love, after all.

… But I still can't figure it out.

I-it's not like I don't want to, I just _can't.__  
><em>

Damn you, Shinji.

I really am not fond of you _right now_.

_... B-baka. _[1]

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><p><em>Note:<em>

[1] _B-baka - _typical _tsundere_ line_, _complete with the first letter plus the dash and the whole word. What is a_ tsundere_, you ask? Google it.

... Yeah, I think Hikari/Dawn has tsundere qualities, but not as bad as Shinji/Paul though. :'D

On the whole 'guy forgets a girl's name', I did a quick search and found out that a reason for this is probably linked to the whole 'I like you, so I'm pretending not to know your name so you'll get pissed and you'll notice me'. The speculation shook Hikari's world. 8D

So, how did I do? Drop me a review and tell me what you think!_  
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